The Adopted child is a Child of the Universe
When separated from their mothers, baby animals will snuggle up to any creature, big or small, friendly or not, for security and love. A puppy to a squirrel, a piglet to a leopard, a kitten to a crow, a porcupette to a …. well, there’s bound to be some brave parent out there!
Unions like these run so deep, words cannot do them justice.
In all seriousness though, the life of an adopted child may be satisfying or unfulfilled, may be gratifying or bitter, or it may simply be an acceptance that you are a child of the universe, here, now, at all costs.
The Strong and Faith-full Child
Writing about your life as an adopted child may help you find wisdom in the knowledge that this life’s event came about through a huge investment of ‘faith and strength’, from both your birth parents and your adoptive parents.
- Your birth parents had enough faith to accept that they were unable to care for you, and they had enough strength to offer you to someone who could.
- Your adoptive parents had enough faith to accept that they would be able to care for you, and they had enough strength to raise you as their own.
There was Great Loss
Perhaps as many as five people may have gone through great loss before and after your adoption:
- Your adoptive mother and father may have suffered grief over miscarriages, for example.
- Your birth mother and father may have suffered the loss of their child, namely You.
- You may have suffered the multilayered loss that strikes a child at their very core.
"Express your grief, so that it can come out of the closet into the light of acceptance."
Work on one, or both of the following:
- Write four candid letters; one to each parent, in a raw, honest tone.
- Introduce yourself.
- Speak about their grief resulting through their loss. If you don’t know their stories, take poetic licence using terms like, “You may have”, “I’ve always believed that”, “Chances are you …” .
- Express feelings about your loss.
- Write about each person’s gain, ending with your own.
- Conclude with how Loss is part of this story, and how you feel about it.
- Imagine yourself looking into this story, from a different perspective, not as the adopted child, but as a wise sage from afar, as you write four letters; one to each parent.
- Introduce yourself.
- Express your empathy about their grief related to loss. Again, take poetic licence.
- Express feelings about the child's loss.
- Write about each person’s gain, ending with the child’s.
- Conclude, again as a great sage, how loss was endured to save a precious infant.
Your Mother (and Father’s) Decision
You may, or may not know why your birth parents chose to surrender you to adoptive parents, and you have your own unique feelings about their decision.
Try the following template to see if it stirs up any sentiments for you regarding your birth parents:
I don’t understand why you ________
I do understand why you ________
If I’d had a voice back then I’d have said ________
I have a voice now and I say ________
Egotistic Versus Altruism
Egos may have been dropped to focus on giving hope to a child without compensation ... leaving room for altruism to step in ….. namely, the unconditional offering of mercy, tenderness and love to a child in need.
Try the following template:
To my birth parents: What I believe you gained by surrendering me ________
To my adoptive parents: What I believe you gained by adopting me ________
What I believe I gained by this exchange of love ________
Did you Wonder?
Your birth parents likely spent your childhood ‘wondering’ about your life.
Write a letter to your birth parents beginning with the words, “Did you wonder …”
Your adoptive parents likely thought about what their lives would have been like if they hadn’t found you.
Write a letter to your adoptive parents beginning with the words, “Did you wonder …”
“Adoption: one child won’t change the world,
but for that child, the world will change.” ~ Unknown
Let your Story Unfold
Answer these questions if they apply to you and then end each answer with an expression of your emotions:
- When did you know you were adopted?
- When you knew you were adopted did you feel you had to work harder at being accepted?
- Did you have contact with your birth parents?
- Did your adoptive parents avoid talking about the fact that you were adopted?
- Were your adoptive parents open to talking about your adoption to the point of saying you’re more like your birth parents?
- Did you hide your curiosity about your birth parents so as not to upset your adoptive parents?
- How was your relationship with your adoptive parents? with siblings? with extended family?
- Did you ever feel unwanted when you did something wrong?
- If you’ve never met your birth parents, do you often wonder if you are related to a stranger you may see?
- How do you handle Mother’s and Father’s day?
“They may not have my eyes, they may not have my smile,
but they have all my heart” ~ Unknown
Poem for Your Adoptive Parents
I may not have ________
I may not have ________
But I do have ________
As I vow to make you proud.
Both Sets of Parents are Life Givers
Fill in the gaps:
My biological father gave me life ________
My biological mother gave me life ________
My adoptive father gave me life ________
My adoptive mother gave me life _________
My life, without doubt, was seeded in ‘giving’.
Remember, you are a child of our truly magnificent universe.
“Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy's heart
instead of her tummy” ~ Unknown