The Quiet, Misunderstood Grief of Miscarriage

Introduction

Miscarriage is a quiet, unfamiliar, and misunderstood grief that has many layers: loss of a pregnancy, loss of hopes and dreams, and what is paramount – the loss of a little Loved One.

 

Loss of a Pregnancy

There you were - pregnant. In a different state. Hormones were ramped up. Perhaps your hair was healthier, or your skin glowed, or your nails were stronger. You were carrying life and you may have felt part of something larger than yourself.

Losing this pregnant state of being, without going on to nurture a new life at the end of it, is a confusing emotion to process.

Focus here on yourself. How wonderful that you, even for a brief moment, cradled creation in all its glory.

 

Hopes and Dreams

Loss of hopes and dreams can be expressed as you fill in the gaps:

I see you in my mind’s eye
at ten year’s old you are _____________
I see you in my mind’s eye
at twenty years old you are __________________
I grow old, with you, forever growing, in my heart.

 

Saying Goodbye 

If you selected not to have a funeral or memorial for your baby, you can write a eulogy, meaning ‘good word’, now, using these guidelines.

Preface: People do not belong to us in this Earthly Realm; people are magnificent souls who simply choose to share blocks of time with us while they are on their journey through eternity.

Who are you?
Describe your relationship to your child.

Personal Stories about your child
Tell personal stories about the emotion around your child's conception and the joy they brought to you, and those around you.

What did your child teach you?
Describe the things your child taught/showed you.

How did your child relate to you spiritually?
Quote or connect something from a spiritual source to your child.

How do you plan to commemorate your child?
Describe how your child's work shall never be done, as you continue to recall their memory and apply the loving qualities you had for them into your life.

Thank you
Thank your child for your time together.

Close with a blessing for your child
Recite a favourite poem, quote, or blessing.

 

Men and women after a miscarriage

Men are wired to be problem solvers, so they may have started gathering medical information for future reference, or they may have set to work on some other logical task. Express appreciation to the father for whatever their role may have been.

My load was lightened by your caring ways,
Thank you for _______________
Thank you for ________________
Thank you for _________________
Through our loss we carry an unbreakable bond every day.

 

Baby’s Name

By naming your child they become a living, breathing, multi-dimensional, being; something that you can hold on to.
If it helps, and if you did not originally name your child, research names to find a suitable name now as you work through your grieving process.

 

Pink and Blue Ribbon

The pink and blue ribbon signifies Pregnancy and Infant loss.
Try writing about what the ribbon means to you using the following information.

  • Pink signifies nurturing and love.
  • Blue signifies trust and loyalty.
  • All official ceremonies have ribbons in them.

 

Loss of a Child

Work through the following two articles:

  • Coaching Article: How to write about Grief
  • Creative Activities: There is no Closure in Grief

 

An Imprint on Earth

You and your baby shall leave your footprints, side by side, in the shifting sands of time. Fill in the following template:

You will not be able to ____________________________
I will not be able to ____________________________
We will not be able to ______________________________
Not this time, not now
But you will __________________________________
And I will ________________________________________
And we will ____________________________________

For there is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on Earth.

 

‎”A person’s a person, no matter how small.” ~ Dr. Seuss